I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
