im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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