Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
