____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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