I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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