I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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