Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I need a beard to bite.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
