Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
