He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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