I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Randomize
