Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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