I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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