you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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