i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
