This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
