don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
