The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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