I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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