My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
