I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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