peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
