He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
