I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
