i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
