i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
