When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
