dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
