I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
