the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
