Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
