omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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