so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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