Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
