There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
pop tarts are not kleenex
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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