i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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