Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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