ya dads aren't the best wingmen
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
