i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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