I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
