your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
