I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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