Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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