Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Randomize
