i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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