Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
