they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
