I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
