I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
