You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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