Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
