i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
i think im in europe. pls send help
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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