There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
